Interview

Let’s talk about sex

Teachers are in the firing line if parents — and politicians — don’t like the way they teach pupils about sex, yet nobody else wants the job. Five teachers talked to Judith Emanuel

Five women teachers from Greater Manchester came together to talk about sex education. There was no shortage of dilemmas and experiences to share.

The context and teaching of sex education varied in the five schools — in one school there is no training or policy, in another there is not only a policy and training but the school ethos is based on caring and co-operative non-discriminatory relationships. The teacher at this school finds that sex education can be integrated into the general work of the school. Everyone at the meeting felt that this was the situation in which they would like to work. Worryingly, another school used to have very good sex education within a similar context a few years ago but this had deteriorated rapidly when key staff changed.

One key concern is that school sex education still only concentrates on factual information and fails to address the nature or type of relationships which are common in society. The teachers are keenly aware that both their own and the children’s experiences of family life are very varied.

‘You have to start with the children’s definition of their family. Delivery should not be straitjacketed into presumptions of one type of relationship, ie husband, wife, two children and a pet hamster.’

These teachers feel very cautious about sex education. They realise they are in the firing line of government attempts to restrict sex education to a narrow definition of sexuality, which bears little resemblance to the world in which they are operating. They are also acutely aware of the very real complexities of teaching sex education and the very great need young people have for information and support. It is important to promote caring and respectful relationships.

One participant said: ‘It’s good to have a chance to talk about it. Sex education is such a can of worms. You fear sensationalising it... and there is a lot of hurt you can do but there is a desperate need for information and support.’

At one school several young people chose to investigate sex education as part of their social science course. They found that young people wanted specialist teachers and counsellors.

Teachers, understandably, feel vulnerable. Probably quite typically, only one of the five conformed to the ‘married and two children’ model and some are lesbians. That makes it a lot more difficult. One teacher was very clear:

‘If I can’t be myself and identify with girls in the class like me (lesbians) I won’t play. If you could talk openly about different sexualities it could be very liberating — away from the pressure to have boyfriends/girlfriends. Children who are lesbian or gay do not want to have heterosexual relationships. But they are very isolated and some will overcompensate.’

Inevitably, in the current climate there was also concern about how to respond to young people’s questions. The school that has a sex education policy backs the teachers by stating that children should be answered if they raise something. For other teachers it is not so easy. One possibility suggested to ensure children’s needs are catered for without putting teachers in an uncomfortable position, is making sure that personal examples are not used by the teacher.

‘We don’t have to be the ones to tell them things or make the decisions of what is or is not acceptable. There are materials which can do this for you. It is best not to answer questions but to turn it back on them.’

This might help pupils as well. One woman remembered how her son had hated sex education at secondary school because he found the attitudes of many other young people offensive:

‘It provided an opportunity for the worst type of peer group pressure and showed sex to be both sensational and aggressive.’

She felt that small group work with other young people in self-selected groups would prevent this offensive exhibitionism. This was supported by another teacher:

‘It is difficult in large classes of teenagers, where concern about attractiveness/sexual behaviour is so great to develop a situation where people can be really honest and constructive and where there is not a risk of providing a forum for some pupils to boast or put pressure on others. It is more useful to talk in small groups where young people can select themselves who they will most feel comfortable with. You can then give pupils access to information which they can look at and discuss at their own pace.’

A secondary teacher said: ‘I have observed increasing pressure on boys and girls to have sex younger and younger over the past 10 years. It often seems difficult for young people now to argue why they shouldn’t have it. The argument that they just don’t feel ready or don’t want it requires a strong sense of their own needs and high self-esteem and assertiveness to ensure that those needs come first. I do think that they often want something to swing the balance back — to at least reduce the pressure to have intercourse and I sensed a kind of relief from a group of tenth years (14 to 15-year-olds) when looking at AIDS education that this might provide a needed boundary and useful excuse.

‘I also wonder what their experience of sex is at 13, 14 or 15 — how they cope with the emotional aspects and physically how mutual an experience it is.

‘Many tenth and eleventh year classes I have taught — most of whom are sexually active - have no idea what a clitoris is and many think that it is fine for a boy but anathema for a girl to touch herself ‘down there’. A partnership with parents is vital if young people are to have the support and information they need, especially in the light of the new sex education guidelines.

‘It is certainly — in my experience — useful to talk to parents about sex education. We ran a series of small groups where parents looked at some of the materials and methodologies we used. As teachers we became more aware of the parents’ perspective, and openly discussing issues such as teaching about homosexuality proved helpful in the long run.’

Some single sex work is crucial. It is particularly important that male teachers can be models of men caring for children — these are notably absent from the experience of many children.

The attitude of some boys to women teachers also makes it inappropriate to expect women to teach sex education to boys, although some are prepared to do so and feel that they can provide a situation where boys are more likely to talk honestly without feeling they need to be competitive. Boys need to be encouraged to take more responsibility about sexual issues in general, especially highlighting that it is inappropriate to spread rumours about girls or vice versa. However, the women teachers did not underestimate how hard it is for male teachers to take this responsibility. In general there is an enormous difference between what young men and young women think sex is about: young women associate sex with relationships and young men associate it with bravado.

The discussion highlighted the difficult task of sex education in schools, trying to promote caring, respectful relationships whatever an individual’s moral framework, within a climate where highly exploitative relationships are the daily menu of a range of media.

For teachers to be able adequately to provide young people with the information, attitudes and skills they will need to have good relationships requires real commitment from other agencies to support them in promoting images of sex and sexuality which are caring and respectful.