Feature

Wrap the bacon round your neck…

Anniversaries have been all the rage this year. Frank Chalmers takes a humorous look at what healthcare can learn from the past

With ‘one small step for man, and one giant leap for mankind’ 1989 seems to have been a year of anniversaries. And from the swish of the guillotine ending France’s ancièn regime, to the swash of the cabinet reshuffle marking the first decade of Britain’s Thatcherite regime, everyone seems to have been trying to draw lessons from the past.

But what has this to do with matters of health? Well, by pure coincidence, exactly a century ago in 1889, the Everybody’s Pocket Cyclopedia hit the book shops of Britain and prominent among its accumulation of Victorian values were some pearls of wisdom on ‘How to avoid doctors’ bills’.

If you ever wondered where the government’s healthcare philosophy emanated, this is the book for you.

For while ‘ you know who’ may have been the first to say : ‘Never go to bed with cold or damp feet,’ the Cyclopedia actually published the recommendation a century before she did.

Indeed, the little pocket book of Victorian wisdom went on to advise: ‘Never lean back on anything that is cold’, and; ‘After exercise of any kind, never ride in an open carriage, or near the window of a car for a moment. It is dangerous to health or even life.’

Surely that leaves little doubt as to the seeds of Mrs Thatcher’s greening, or the sprouting of government concern about atmospheric pollution and overcrowding on the roads?

Has that left you speechless? Then the cyclopedia advises to ‘ speak as little as possible until the hoarseness is recovered from, else the voice may be permanently lost or difficulties in the throat be produced’. In fact, it offers many suggestions on self-diagnosis and self-treatment. The very things that may have informed the Health Secretary in his deliberations on the NHS white paper.

Palpitations of the heart, the cyclopedia says, ‘may arise from excessive smoking’, and with this condition ‘a milder sort of tobacco should be resorted to, and should be taken in small quantities’.

Perhaps then the government is right, and the EC decision on tightening up tobacco health warnings does go a bit to far.

In cases of Poisoning ( a bit of the old Listeriosis?) and ‘where antidotes are not in the house’, the pocketbook says ‘give two large tablespoons of mustard mixed in a pint of warm water. Also, give large draughts of warm milk or water mixed with oil, butter or lard’.

Bed-bug poison on the other hand should be countered with ‘milk or white of eggs in large quantities’. (No doubt the salmonella in eggs counteracts the poison of the bed bugs.)

But don’t think you’ll get any sympathy if you become overanxious about not having any of these life-saving ingredients in your kitchen or medicine chest.

Hysteria or hysterics, the cyclopedia says, is a complaint that occurs most frequently in young women who have been overworked, or whose general health is very poor. The attack comes on quite suddenly. The countenance is distorted, there is quivering of the eyelids or of the eyeballs, there is pallor of the face, and often difficulty in taking a deep breath’.

Accordingly: ‘The remedy which will be found most useful for this condition is the Bromide of Sodium Tabloids (Tabloids, no kidding), two of which should be taken three or four times a day’.

Enough to make you sick? Well like today’s government, the cyclopedia thinks you might very well be responsible for making yourself ill in the first place.

Melancholia, it says, ‘can hardly be said to be a disease, but when it is carried to excess it assumes a morbid character which is known as Hypochondriasis.

’The people suffering from this complaint are excessively anxious about their health and frequently think they are suffering from one or more fatal diseases... Change of scene, good feeding and pleasant companionship are essential for recovery.’

Surely good news, you may say. No need to worry about waiting lists, just have a good meal with some friends and everything will be all right. And even better news that there is no longer any need to worry about the implications of the NHS white paper — all you have to do is get your own copy of these marvellous Victorian remedies. On the other hand, if you think the whole thing should be taken with a pinch of salt, just remember what the pocket cyclopedia says: for Sore Throat, one should ‘cut slices of fat boneless bacon, pepper thickly and tie around the throat with a flannel cloth’. And keep taking the tabloids.

Everybody’s Pocket Cyclopedia. Saxon and Co. 23 Bouverie Street, Fleet Street, London EC. Cloth 6d; Leather 1s. From all good Jumble sales.