Review

Heroines just say no

Disabled Parents: Dispelling the Myths
Michele Wates
Radcliffe Medical Press Ltd, 1997

Disabled Parents: Dispelling the Myths.

Michele Wates

Radcliffe Medical Press Ltd, 1997.

‘Not another book about heroines’ – thank goodness. For too long those of us who are disabled parents – well, disabled mothers mostly – have been regarded by almost the whole world as oddities first and heroines second.

This very readable and straightforward book looks in a very practical way, through the eyes of the experts –disabled parents – at the day-to-day reality of being a ‘good enough’ parent when you happen to have an impairment. Michele Wates illustrates how more and more disabled people are becoming parents, and doing a good job despite – rather than because of – professional involvement which often neither understands nor attempts to analyse the difficulties we encounter.

Focusing mainly on childbirth and young children, although also covering many issues to do with schools, the book deals with deciding whether or not to have children; relationships with partners, offspring, the wider family and professionals. It covers the idea of self-image and how the way that we, and others, view us can impact on our confidence to carry out our roles as parents in the way that we want.

The isolation that we often face is addressed; the isolation of being alone all day with a new and demanding baby, and the compounding effect of inaccessible environments – including clinics, play groups and nurseries, not to mention local shops where you should be able to meet neighbours and have a chat.

There is examination of the problem of gaining access to resources, getting past the gatekeepers, and recognising that those who might hold the key to delivering the support we need, i.e. social workers, also have the power to take our children into care; understandably, this leads many disabled parents to give a wide berth to those who perhaps could help them greatly.

The chapter on ‘allies’ examines what it is that has made allies of any of the professionals who gather around disabled parents, and leads to an exploration and explanation of the need for disabled parents to have access to other disabled parents, in order to find ‘personal confidence and collective strength; working together with individual and organisational allies to improve the antenatal provision, maternity services and parent support available to disabled people’.

The truth is that disabled people have ‘a right to become parents… and to be adequately and appropriately resourced to do the task. We are ordinary parents and at the same time we have particular insights and qualities which we have developed in our parenting. We are on our way. Are you sure YOU can cope?’